My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize