she pinky promised me she was 18
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
