you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize