you traded sex for a burrito?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
