Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
