we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
