He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
