You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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