Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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