i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
