He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
