i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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