You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
