Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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