I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
