I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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