some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
