i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
