OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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