i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
