I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I look better un-naked...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There's even glitter on my cock...
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