Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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