I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
