He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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