i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Houston, we have a blender
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
