Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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