So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
