there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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