You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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