literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
