Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
