you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
