she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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