I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
