i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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