dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
