dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
