I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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