There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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