Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Welp...herpes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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