She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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