I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
