Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
