Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's the barista slut.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
