Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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