Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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