I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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