Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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