I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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