i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
