I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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