just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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