He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
