Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize