Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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