Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize