I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
