Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
