my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My feet surprised me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
