don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
