Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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