A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
