clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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