So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
