I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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