I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
