I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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